One of my friends had been ill for some time. She had cancer of everything. Started off small, but Felicity was never one to do things in a small quiet way!
A couple of years ago, I had used up all my holiday time for the year when I got a call from her, asking me to accompany her to a warm springs holiday centre as she felt she needed to be in the fresh energy of the spring water.
I approached my bosses - they are doctors - and asked if they could please find it in their hearts to allow me some extra time away from my desk. Her oncologist said that she was Stage Four - which is pretty much the end of the road for most people.
Off we went, car packed with swimming costumes to play in the warm water in the middle of winter! I have to add that there are indoor pools too, although we did brave the outdoor ones a few times. Being in the water was no problem - the dash for warmth was the great challenge, with Felicity not being as strong as she might have been earlier in her life.
On arrival, we jumped (well, sort of jumped, more like struggled) into our bathing suits, wrapped the big warm gowns around us and headed for the lifts to the ground floor. When we pressed the buzzer, the alarm bell rang! That, my dear friends, is a sign that we should have heeded.......
Lift doors open, press G, doors close and we rise 5 inches.....then nothing.
Oh my hat - here I am stuck in a lift with someone who cannot stand for any length of time, and also cannot get up off the lift floor if she actually manages to get down onto it in the first place.
Now, I am not sure about the lifts that you frequent, but very few - NONE - I use have seats. Mmmm. The challenge begins!
We ring the bell. We shout - well, I shout. Felicity needs oxygen for other things, like staying alive.
I bang on the lift walls. Eventually we hear someone pounding up the stairs and they tell us that they have called the technician. He is in Cape Town. Two hours away.
Many other people arrive, and they manage to force the doors open. Thank goodness Felicity was strong enough to still be standing, but no ways is she getting back in this only lift and she certainly cannot use the stairs.
After settling her into bed in the apartment, I waft off down the stairs to wallow in the lovely water. I felt I needed it by now - and it would have been more fun with her, but this by far beats being in the office!
For the next two years, in my office she is referred to as my friend Felicity who refuses to die of cancer. She has, however, succumbed. Boy, did she give that disease a run for it's money. It had a battle to get her! No matter what transpired, she was determined to not give in! Not ever! Never. Never. Never. Even at the end, I am told that she was a tough nut to crack.
The first for me, was saying goodbye to her on Facebook. We move with the times, I know, but it did seem a strange way to say goodbye. Her sons asked that we all stop calling and visiting as she was beyond coping with it all. But they promised to read her messages that we posted.
After she died, someone asked that the boys keep the page going, so that they could visit her when they were missing her.
Let me say it loud and clear right now - do not even think of doing something that weird when I go!
Think of me now and then if you want to do so, or if I pop into your mind. That is the natural way of things. But keeping my facebook page going is a step too far for me. And certainly, do not ask my children to do this silly thing. If you want to create a page and be the caretaker - go ahead ( God alone knows why you would want to do it, but it is your time and energy you are using - so go ahead, be my guest!)
I have removed her from my list of friends. Not from my mind. Not from my heart. Not from what I learned from her. Just from my list of facebook friends.
I have often told my dad that keeping everything my mum ever touched is not proof that we loved her. It is proof that we have space to store eveything she touched - nothing else.
Felicity is having a ball where she is. In honour of her, I will do my best to have a really good life. She accomplished far more in her weak state than a lot of us do when we are healthy.
And I know for SURE that she understands me clicking the 'remove from friends' button
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