Presence

For months I have felt as if I am out of step with something. I think it may be that I have been out of step with me!

I have felt as if I was empty – nothing to offer in the way of emotional support of another – and certainly not able to be much good to myself either.

I have tried to explain this to some friends. 

Largely they have tried to understand – but I also have not had the energy to go into any sort of depth with my explanations of why I am out of sync with me and the rest of the human race.

I know I am still in a mourning process – not so much for Dad – I had him in my life for almost 60 years – I am extremely lucky. But in mourning for Knowing Who I Am. That has been missing.  I have lost track of Who I Am and how I fit into this world.

I find I am not able to sit and really talk with anyone. Sometimes the people who are available are not those who understand me best. Partly because those I want to talk with are not available to me right now. Time zones are different, and life gets busy

Today I reached out so someone on the other side of the world and exchanged a few letters.

I said that I was not able to really explain what is going on with me, since there seems to be no ‘earth’ words for what I want to say. The best I could come up with is that it is vibrational.  I know it to be true – but that is all – I KNOW – I cannot explain. And I got so tired of trying to explain why I am not the MySelf that we all seem to recall.

The following is an extract from her letter …

your dad transitioning must've triggered something that put you on another level, but one you're not used to yet so it feels strange. 

I know you're not going back, because what was is not there for you now....

I guess this is another ....... presence for you.  

Another way of being present, I mean. 

To keep all you know as familiar inside, but to leave it behind at the same time because you're somewhere else now.

Oh wow! The beautiful understanding and verbalising of what I have been feeling. 

And what really popped out for me was the word ‘present’

As in, Presence! 

The moment I read that word, I knew for sure that she is a messenger from my Guides and Angels – they have been trying to alert me to the fact that I have a new Guide with me now – or a different group of Guides. 

I am not yet sure – but what I do know for sure is that despite having been recently orphaned – I am not, and never will be, alone ……

I wonder why it is so easy for me to forget my own mantra ...I Am Divinely Guarded and Guided. 

perhaps I did not forget it. perhaps I just forgot to apply it to me!

I Am Divinely Guarded and Guided. We all are .....