resolving relationships

Letting go of a relationship that was once deep and meaningful can sometimes be a challenge. Having to disconnect from that which was once fun and joyful and is now less than that, can conjure up so many different emotions. Hurt, anger, jealousy and frustration being just a few.

Usually, with romantic relationships, we have projected ourselves into the future - the trips we will make together, the way we will enjoy our children, grandchildren, pets. And then the dream dies. All of a sudden, there is a void where once there was something. Something that had real value in your life.

One or both of you have to leave the shared home. There is a sadness around leaving the place which once was the refuge from the outside world. Personally, I mourned the loss of my 'soft place to land', as I called my home and my family.

Over the coming years, whilst meeting the new challenge of being single in a world filled with friends who came in two's, I worked on releasing the past. Letting go of the shared dreams. Trying not to feel hurt when being excluded because of a lack of partner for those trips that required 'couples' - they all marched into Noah's Ark together. To have fun. Fun that excluded me. Oh the pain!

Slowly but surely, bit by bit, I dealt with each emotion as it arose. Well, to be honest, I shelved a few emotions until I had no option but to face them. As many of us do in these circumstances. But face them I did. And I learned how to create dreams for the newly single self. Life was going well.

After some years, I realised that there were still some unresolved issues in my life with regard to my ex. He still had the power to make me angry. I had done so much soul searching, learning, studying new ideas, attending self-help and metaphysical courses, and I could not understand why there were still these remnants of pain. I thought that I had healed all aspects of that failed relationship. I had peeled away the layers of so very many onions! But still there was more....

In my research on the subject, I came across the understanding that in order to let go on a deeper level, I had to write my gratitude list. I knew I had so much to be grateful for in my life. I am steeped in blessings every day. I knew all there was to know about lists of gratitude, didn't I?

This new gratitude list had nothing to do with my current blessings.It had to do with the partner I had left. I had to understand exactly why I had chosen this person to be in my life. This was about being grateful for a relationship that no longer worked.

And so began the process of being grateful for every single day we spent together. There was much to appreciate. Some of the gifts he had given me were not always pleasant ones. But they were still gifts. They allowed me to define what I wanted in my life, and what I certainly never wanted in my life again. I have no doubt that the gratitude list that he could compile would be pretty similar - as much as he was challenge for me, I certainly gave him plenty of food for thought!

Without this man having been in my life, I would not be the person that I am today. Apart from our wonderful daughters, the greatest gift he gave to me was my Self.

 He encouraged my growth and believed in me and saw who I was, many years before I was even aware that there was a 'me'.  I have no idea who I may have become without him at my side for those years, but I am overjoyed with the end result.

So many people are resistant to the idea of being truly grateful to the partners who have discarded them, or who have caused them pain, emotionally, physically, spiritually. But for as long as one holds onto the anger, the pain, the resentment, the hurt - there is no real movement into the future of joy and happiness and peace and harmony and - well pretty much all the good stuff. One can pretend that the past is the past and that all is well right now, and then one day you trip over the pile of pain that you had so neatly swept under the carpet!

Hah- that is the moment to do that list. Despite the seeming impossibility of it. Every single word you write on the list, is a huge bound into the future you so desire. Every single word you write on that list makes space in your life for that which is currently missing. Every single word you write on that list allows you to claim that light and love and joy. Every single word that you write on that list propels you into being More of Who You Are!

And that, my friend, is why you write the list. So that you can become YOU!

Anything less than being YOU leaves you hooked into the past of pain and regret - writing the list is an investment. It is time well spent. Because having had that relationship in the first place, helped you along the road to YOU.

You can choose to invest that same time in dwelling in the past that no longer sustains you and which causes you pain. Or you can pick up a beautiful pen, put it to a gorgeous piece of paper, and allow yourself the freedom you desire.

Within a month, a week, a day, a minute - your choice - YOU will be free. To be YOU. All of you will now be available to be in the moment. All of you will be there to be present for your new partner. All of you will be there to welcome new ones into your life. All of you will be here to have fun, have new experiences. All of you will be here to take the next step on your new path.

You are dearly loved.