it is all about perspective

a few weeks ago, while I was showering, I had an accident. I have no idea how it happened. one minute I was doing what so many women do in the shower ...shaving my legs and oxters (look it up!) and the next minute there was blood! for some bizarre reason, my razor decided (it can decide - it is NOT an inanimate object, of that I am certain!) ...it decided to take a chunk of my ring finger nail from where it should be - and leave me with a bloody mess.

oh wow, I hear you say - after you get over that hideous cringing moment when you imagine the event - it is like that nails on a chalkboard effect ....shivers up the spine stuff.

I did not say oh wow. what I did was put pressure on my finger to staunch the flow of blood and gasped things like - omg omg omg omg, while I tried to understand what had happened - I have never worked out HOW it happened.
my daughter asked if I was okay - and I said that ultimately, I would be - but only after I stopped bleeding! she kindly stepped into the bathroom, turned off the water and wrapped me in my towel.

some weeks down the line, I am exceedingly weary of popping a plaster onto my finger a few times a day. seriously - it is tedious! my finger longs for freedom! it will take another week or ten days and I will be back to normal. okay - my finger will be back to normal. I never will be. it is a long time since I was what i once considered to be normal

during this time I went to visit a friend. she was very ill last year - and to cut a long story extremely short, suffice to say that she has had both lower legs amputated and her left arm is amputated below the elbow. the right hand has a thumb, and somewhat shortened fingers. it is horrid, what has happened to her. she has to start life all over again - learning to walk and write and feed herself and brush her hair - all with artificial limbs and prostheses.

so it seemed a little odd that when she asked how I am , that I wanted to share how irritated I am by this finger drama! and I shared with her how silly and insignificant it is in the greater scheme of things. how could I, an able-bodied person with no limitations, complain to HER about a fingernail????

and that is when she said - if the roles were reversed, she would be saying the same thing! and that she fully understand why I would feel inconvenienced.

it is all about our perspective and circumstances. being able to do what I like, when I like, is the perspective from which I view things.

when she looks at things, her frame of reference is now far different from mine.

neither perspective is wrong nor right - it just IS!

I will remember that as best I can ...that how I view (and sometimes, judge) things -  may look different from another perspective

and perhaps, I will be a better person for having had this moment of understanding

I live in hope

.....

Old Age is not for Sissies!!

Old age is not for sissies - and neither is your parents' old age! There is not a load of fun to be had, watching the precious person you have loved all of your life, slowly letting go of things. All sorts of things. People. Events. Connections. Me.

Suddenly, the words senile dementia and alzheimers are starting to become a part of my vocabulary. Suddenly, too, I have to start confronting my own old age, especially since I am not exactly a spring chicken!

When I left my ex 12 years ago, I moved in with my Dad for a few months while I waited for the process of the divorce to unfold and to get a new home for myself. This week, Dad asked where J is - and I said he is probably with his wife. He looked at me in confusion. Are you divorced now? No-one tells me anything!

Gently I explained that there were two important things - number one - as we get older, we choose which facts and memories to keep and we discard the rest, because our brain is overloaded. and number two - it is only important that I remember that I am divorced!

Slowly but surely, I have to let go of Dad. Precious Soul that he is. If you never got the chance to meet him - you missed out BIG TIME! A gentle Soul. A loving man and father. Loyal. Caring and eager to help. I always knew that if I needed a plumber at 3am, Dad would come to help me!

I am now the parent of my parent. It is hard and frustrating - more so than being the parent of a child. I know that once upon a time, Dad was far wiser than me. He still is - but it is no longer evident. His world has shrunk along with his attention span.

The next stage in my life is looming. Within a year or two - maybe more, I shall become the eldest in the family I grew up in - Mum is gone, older sister is gone, and my brother is younger.

Wow. I never imagined that things would turn out this way. But they have. And that is what happens ...

Life happens .....