For months I have felt as if I am out of step with
something. I think it may be that I have been out of step with me!
I have felt as if I was empty – nothing to offer in the way
of emotional support of another – and certainly not able to be much good
to myself either.
I have tried to explain this to some friends.
Largely they
have tried to understand – but I also have not had the energy to go into any
sort of depth with my explanations of why I am out of sync with me and the rest
of the human race.
I know I am still in a mourning process – not so much for
Dad – I had him in my life for almost 60 years – I am extremely lucky. But in
mourning for Knowing Who I Am. That has been missing. I have lost track of Who I Am and how I fit
into this world.
I find I am not able to sit and really talk with anyone. Sometimes
the people who are available are not those who understand me best. Partly because
those I want to talk with are not available to me right now. Time zones are
different, and life gets busy
Today I reached out so someone on the other side of the
world and exchanged a few letters.
I said that I was not able to really explain what is going
on with me, since there seems to be no ‘earth’ words for what I want to say.
The best I could come up with is that it is vibrational. I know it to be true – but that is all – I KNOW
– I cannot explain. And I got so tired of trying to explain why I am not the
MySelf that we all seem to recall.
The following is an extract from her letter …
your dad transitioning must've triggered something that put you on another level, but one you're not used to yet so it feels strange.
I know you're not
going back, because what was is not there for you now....
I guess this is
another ....... presence for you.
Another way of being present, I mean.
To keep
all you know as familiar inside, but to leave it behind at the same time
because you're somewhere else now.
Oh wow! The beautiful understanding and verbalising of what
I have been feeling.
And what really popped out for me was the word ‘present’
As in, Presence!
The moment I read that word, I knew for sure
that she is a messenger from my Guides and Angels – they have been trying to
alert me to the fact that I have a new Guide with me now – or a different group
of Guides.
I am not yet sure – but what I do know for sure is that despite
having been recently orphaned – I am not, and never will be, alone ……
I wonder why it is so easy for me to forget my own mantra ...I Am Divinely Guarded and Guided.
perhaps I did not forget it. perhaps I just forgot to apply it to me!
I Am Divinely Guarded and Guided. We all are .....
