opening my Heart

In January I met up with an old schoolfriend. It was lovely to be able to reminisce about things, and slowly but surely we started to think about having a relationship. Sounded like a good idea.

Except that he is a fundamentalist Christian.

Not too sure how happily he would have accepted my Buddha statues around the house.

And I could not edit my Self to fit in with his world view.

End of romance.

Then I met another lovely man. Awesome guy. Brilliant catch for the right woman. 

I am not the right woman.

End of that fairy tale ....

And then .....

never in a million years could I have imagined the scenario

and I have a rather vivid imagination!

It was time for me to open my Heart ... and I chose well.

I opened my Heart to another Soul, and the Love that emerged was way beyond anything I have ever experienced.

I am grateful that I allowed my Self the opportunity to trust enough to be vulnerable.

I am grateful for all the Love that I discovered within Me. 

I now know what it feels like to Love. Beyond measure.

I can happily face 2011, knowing that one of my greatest challenges has been met 

I know Me better now.

I have seen Me in a way I had never done before.

and I LOVE it!

Quoting Great Masters

Over the past few decades, I have read voraciously. I had this hunger to understand Why? And How?  When would I understand Life and all of its mysteries?

Day by day, bit by bit, I worked at it. Reading. Listening. Attending courses and workshops in the metaphysical and esoteric realm.

Mystery schools.

Psychic development.

Shamanic workshops.

More reading.

More learning.

More listening.

And quoting. Lots of Great Masters - quoting their wise words which helped me to understand me. And to help me to discover, define and refine Who I Am.

Carolynn Myss

Deepak Chopra

Richard Bach

Winnie the Pooh

The Dalai Lama

Buddha

Christ

Neale Donald Walsh

M. Scott Peck

so many others

such a lot of wisdom they have shared with the world, and me.

I used their words to illustrate points. I referred to them when I could not adequately explain things in the elegant manner they employed.

I used their words as tools.

And I am exceedingly grateful to every one of them.

Now I have noticed a change.

Something is different.

Today I realized that I no longer use their words to back up my own understanding of Life. In the past, I relied on their words to give credence to my words.

That is what has changed. I now use my own words as tools. I now trust my own words sufficiently to make a point or to pursue a discussion. I now give my words equivalent value.

I now have my own tools. I now have my own words.

I can breathe freely now, because I have arrived.

creating a new vision

A few weeks ago I undertook to spend an evening with a friend, creating a vision board of what she wanted in her life.

I duly collected some magazines which I thought  may offer a visual idea of what she would like to see in her life.

I was a little hesitant of joining in, because I am notoriously bad at forward planning. I love and embrace my spontaneous nature.

I would merely be the facilitator of her process instead

Come the day, she cancelled.

I put the things aside.

The following evening, a curious part of me awakened.

What, I wondered, would my vision look like? I had no basic idea - thought if I paged through enough magazines - and I had a really good mixture of titles, I would find just the right pictures.

Paged through the first one. Saw a few possibilities, but as soon as I gave the picture more than a momentary glance, I would think - well, yes, perhaps, but....not really all that important.

By the time I got to the fourth magazine, I started to be concerned. How come there was nothing that really appealed? Who am I if I have no idea what I want and where I want to go? Did I know me at all?

I then found a title of a story which had the words 'paths less travelled' in the text, so I claimed that for my board. It resonated so well with me.

Still no pictures appealed to me. Oh, it would be nice to have a home with a sea view. A luxury motor vehicle.  You know what I mean. But I did not want them enough to make them part of my vision.

I popped onto a facebook group to share my quandary with some others. I started out saying that I could not find pictures, who am I, am stuck, need help blah blah blah. But before I posted it, I realised that those three little words were all I required!

I grabbed the glue, stuck the words down in the centre

                                     Paths Less Travelled


grabbed the glitter glue and drew paths leading all over the world - and squiggles depicting waves on the water, circles as wheels that would take me where I wanted to go, and all the words that seemed important to me
          
                  Yes! Love! Exciting! Yes! (again) Together! Fun! Adventure! New!

Now, to be honest, the artist in me is somewhat dormant. That is new-speak for being pretty darned useless at art! What is in my head cannot be translated onto paper, because I am too impatient to get it all done! Sorry, not impatient - spontaneous and eager!


The end result is beautiful. Not pretty, mind you. But is came from my Heart and is therefore beautiful.

I had no idea what I was creating in that moment - well, in five minutes - it is not exactly a Work of Art, as such!

It only took FIVE days to work. Five days later I met a wonderful new friend. It is Yes, exciting, fun, adventure, new and Yes, together there is Love.

Amazing.

The Path Less Travelled for me has many layers.

It is the depth of the connection. The overwhelming enormity of meeting a Soul Mate. It is almost beyond my comprehension. I am coming to terms with it. Slowly. Savouring it.

It is learning to trust. To trust myself. To trust my intuition and good judgement. To trust a man. Indeed, to trust anyone other than me.

This Soul Mate lives elsewhere in the world. Meeting him would require me to follow a path I have never travelled before.

I look forward to that meeting. Wherever. Whenever.

What I have learned along the way is that although it only seemed to take FIVE days, it really took much longer than that. Allowing myself to open my Heart to another, to get it out of the fortress in which it has been locked for more years that I care to admit, has taken a long time. It surely has taken me all my life to get to this point.

Now I am ready to create my next vision board.

Happiness

Happiness

Most of humanity is craving it
Searching for it in the most bizarre places.
In bottles of perfume.
In bottles of alcohol
In bottles of drugs

On top of mountains
Under the sea

In a hamburger and chips
or even in a salad

searching high and low
inside and out
left and right
up and down

on the internet
in a book
at the feet of a guru

in the words of a song
in the beat of the music
in the gym
in the eyes of a lover

But ................

Happiness is an inside job

It is the way you FEEL, It is a CHOICE you make

Go ahead - choose Happy. Feel Happy. BE Happy.

Just because it feels so good!

Jealousy is not my friend!

Yesterday I was confronted by an old ‘friend’ who seemed to have been missing for so long that I genuinely had thought of as gone-forever!

No such luck. Jealousy had not left the building, but had been lying dormant as there was no need for it to pop out to visit. It is so long since I felt passionate about anything. Jealousy is an emotion that is very passionate.

When the emotion arose, it was visceral, acrid, overwhelming. There was nothing soft and gentle in it. It took my breath away for a few minutes. Oh my God, I wondered, where on Earth has this come from?

Jealousy has been part of my journey through life. I believe it stems from so many spheres. Not feeling good enough or worthy enough, and then when someone sees some worth in me, I have to own and control that person. Keep them to myself. At all costs.

This idea flies in the face of the unconditional Love base from which I want to operate. I would hate it if someone wanted to control me and my actions.

I turned to some friends for help in resolving this for me. I also spent some quiet time of my own, working out how it is that I wanted to respond in future.

Emotions come from our thoughts, and we are in charge of what we think.  And something like jealousy is such a knee–jerk reaction that comes from habit!

I have trained myself to think positively. For so long I clung to my woe-is-me, born on a Wednesday and therefore entitled to be woe-full!

I kicked that one in to touch. I rarely am down – and when I am, I work to understand why I am, and then find a way out of it. At times, it is also necessary to honour and respect the sadness and just sit with it, and not just ignore it. I find sitting quietly with it works as long as I am clear about the fact that it is temporary!  

I am pleased to report that within a very short space of time, I was able to not only put jealousy aside, but was also able to see how open and honest I could be about having felt it in the first place.

To the beautiful Angel who has appeared in my Life, I say thank you. Mostly for being Who You Are, but also for bringing me this gift of shining the Light on that part of me that needed some serious work! You probably had no idea what would come of asking one seemingly simple question.

 I am eternally grateful to you for asking it!

Love in a week..........

It was a Monday, when we met

You reached out, and I responded

Never knowing where it would lead us.

It was a Tuesday that we shared our stories

So much of it similar

That getting-to-know-you phase

It was a Wednesday when I fell in Love

My heart opened up and I let you in

And nothing is the same as before

It was a Thursday when that Love deepened

When I began to FEEL you

No space in my thoughts for anyone but You

By Friday I was fully committed, no going back

And not ever wanting to

I embrace you, on every level

Come Saturday I feel I have known you since forever

And yet missed you for so long

Perhaps you have always been there?

Oh, Sunday, a day of celebration

Of the pleasure you bring

I am Loving this Love. I Love you.

kaleidoscope

Like the fragments in a kaleidoscope

I see the colours that you Are

Swirling and whirling in time and space

Shimmering in the Light

Holding the promise that all those pieces

Will connect in beautiful patterns

Reflecting You

You move me ........

There is such beauty in the way the sun shines on your smile

And the wind catches at your hair as if to say

Come play with me......

There is such beauty in your eyes and in your Soul

And in your laughter that fills the room

It’s captivating......

There is such beauty in the way you share your Love

So willingly, whole-heartedly

It moves me..........

Mother-Love

 Mum, I love making things that make you smile

Cards for your birthday

Cups of tea when you are tired

Hot bubble baths

Mum, I love it when you turn to me

In the middle of some task

And remind me that you love me

Until forever

Mum, I love it when my darling son

Wakes up and comes for hugs

And tells me that I am special

Because that is when I know

How  much

You

Love 

Me

Passion

Some years ago, during a training session in Life Coaching, we were asked to go back to a time and a place where we could remember feeling really good and positive about ourselves.

It was really easy for me. When I was working as a volunteer with teenage girls, one of the things I enjoyed most was being the coxswain for their rowing team on the lake nearby. We took part in a regatta where we pitted ourselves against teenage boys, and other volunteer adults. There were four or five boats on the water.

We won the race. The girls and I had worked so well together, and I am convinced that it was due to my passion and sheer determination that we should win, that got us across the line first. The team least likely to win, did just that! Together we had created such a passionate desire to win.

The sense of elation and victory - sheer bliss. I often wonder if any of the young women remember it the way I do? I felt as if I could walk on water! Omnipotent! What a fabulous feeling. For me, it felt as if I had done all the work, just with my voice - coaxing more and more - and MORE out of each stroke. Those young ladies worked so hard, and the harder they worked, the louder I shouted and called for more.

What is most striking for me is the memory of the physicality of the passion. I spend so much time thinking and pondering and wondering and analyzing and...and..and...you get the idea....

Today I watched a clip on Facebook - a young poet in a competition, delivering her work - with the most powerful, most awesome passion and conviction. Not one cell in her body doubted anything she was saying. She embodied the whole piece of work and delivered it in awe-inspiring fashion. She had me riveted for each and every second.

I found it difficult to make a comment about it to the person who posted it. I watched the clip a second time. And a third time, trying to understand what part of it that was literally leaving me dumb-struck. Her message was enormously powerful. Yet, it was not only the message that was having such an enormous impact on me.

It is her PASSION - the delivery of the lovely poem was filled with raw emotion. No sugar coating. Pure, unadulterated passion.

It is this aspect of Me that was being unlocked in the watching of the video. It has been missing from Me for so long, without my realizing it. When I was a young girl, our church produced a play each year - firstly to raise funds and secondly to foster a sense of community. I loved it. Getting onto the stage and adopting a new persona and delivering my lines. I loved the learning of those lines. I loved the getting dressed up for the part I was playing. I loved the applause. I loved embracing the character. I loved the passion it all required.

I am still passionate about many things. I love life and all it has to offer. I love my friends and family and well, heaps of things. I love them all..........

But it is a very long time since I experienced that overwhelming passion to get out there, do what needs doing and revel in it!

This passion can no longer be denied. I am not sure what form it will take, but I allow it to burst forth in a way that enriches my life .

I do not know about you - but I am going to watch this space!

Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining. (Anne Lamott)

Some years ago, during a weekend workshop of an esoteric nature, each participant had a chance to go into a deeply altered state and got to answer some questions posed by the leader of the workshop, a fairly well-known psychic.

 'why are you here'. 'why did you come to the planet' 'what are you here to do' 

my immediate response was that I am here to be a lighthouse.  

really? 

I was more than curious about that instinctive answer, because I was in no way ready to be 'anything', let alone be something like a lighthouse. How on Earth does one 'be' a lighthouse I wondered.

A lighthouse is a structure that is erected with the purpose of sending out light, so that others may be safe, or at least alert to danger. A navigational tool.

Now, if I chose to be a lighthouse, so be it. What I really need to know is - does a lighthouse need to stay in one place all the time? Because I really want to travel. A lot.

Lighthouses just seem to be so solid. They rarely travel.

I will make it work. Somehow.

masks

the masks we wear


hides us from ourselves


it works. for a while

leading by example

A mother is in distress about her eleven year old daughter. This young lady has suddenly started hating school and having panic attacks about having to attend. Clearly something has happened, and her mother has no idea of the reason. Her daughter is either not willing or able to tell her at this stage.

In an attempt to remedy the situation, parents and teachers arrange a meeting. Between all of them, they should be able to work out what causes the distress and make plans that will support the young girl. I do not know if the meeting is to include the child or not.

What is important for me is the way the mum reacted before the meeting. She spent the whole weekend worrying about it. Fretting. Dreading the meeting. And this did not make sense to me, a mere observer of the drama.

What would cause so much fear in the parent, whose only concern is for finding a solution to the problem?

We lead by example. This woman was following her daughters example - being terrified and panicked about going to school. No doubt also not willing or able to explain why.

If it was not a serious matter, it would be funny! Well, it still is a little funny if we look at it objectively.

We lead by example. Every now and then, we need to look at what we are teaching through our actions.

What are you teaching your children? Your colleagues? Your neighbours, family, friends?

Is your example worth being followed?

I am a Writer

I love writing. One of my favourite times at school was when we had to write a story. Essay time, they called it. Easy Peasy. Give me the title and tell me how much to write. Of course, in those days, using pen and paper, editing was a little less easy than it is today!

When reading any of my writing, bear in mind that I love writing. I do not love grammar, so you will find the odd jarring moments, especially if you know all the rules about the apostrophe. I know how to spell it, I know what it looks like, and I seldom know where to place it. Do'nt do what I have just done - even I know better!

Despite my love for the written word, I have never considered myself a writer or an author. Way too grandiose a label for my meanderings here and on FaceBook. Or so I thought.

Then I met my single-serving friend on the plane to Dubai. She was on her way to become a crew member on a cruise ship - due to be away from home for about 3 years. She introduced herself as a writer. I asked what she writes, and she said she writes a blog. It is her way to keep in touch with all her friends and family back home.

She had only posted one or two pieces, and yet she firmly claimed the title of writer.

I can do that too. I am a Writer. Whether anyone out there is a reader, I am not sure. Perhaps a couple of people read my writing. The number is less important than it is for me to write in the first place. Because I am a writer.

I love writing. I will do it more often. Slowly but surely, I am becoming less concerned about writing the 'right stuff'. Those who disagree with my point of view probably have valid reasons for disagreeing. I love feedback that makes me think. It allows me to refine my opinions and standpoints.

Of course I see things from my perspective. It is an intrinsic part of the process.

I love writing. I am a Writer. I claim that label.


I am beginning to wonder - is it possible that I am also a Poet?

Time will tell.

It's a first for me

One of my friends had been ill for some time. She had cancer of everything. Started off small, but Felicity was never one to do things in a small quiet way!

A couple of years ago, I had used up all my holiday time for the year when I got a call from her, asking me to accompany her to a warm springs holiday centre as she felt she needed to be in the fresh energy of the spring water.

I approached my bosses - they are doctors - and asked if they could please find it in their hearts to allow me some extra time away from my desk. Her oncologist said that she was Stage Four - which is pretty much the end of the road for most people.

Off we went, car packed with swimming costumes to play in the warm water in the middle of winter! I have to add that there are indoor pools too, although we did brave the outdoor ones a few times. Being in the water was no problem - the dash for warmth was the great challenge, with Felicity not being as strong as she might have been earlier in her life.

On arrival, we jumped (well, sort of jumped, more like struggled) into our bathing suits, wrapped the big warm gowns around us and headed for the lifts to the ground floor. When we pressed the buzzer, the alarm bell rang! That, my dear friends, is a sign that we should have heeded.......

Lift doors open, press G, doors close and we rise 5 inches.....then nothing.

Oh my hat - here I am stuck in a lift with someone who cannot stand for any length of time, and also cannot get up off the lift floor if she actually manages to get down onto it in the first place.

Now, I am not sure about the lifts that you frequent, but very few - NONE - I use have seats. Mmmm. The challenge begins!

We ring the bell. We shout - well, I shout. Felicity needs oxygen for other things, like staying alive.

I bang on the lift walls. Eventually we hear someone pounding up the stairs and they tell us that they have called the technician. He is in Cape Town. Two hours away.

Many other people arrive, and they manage to force the doors open. Thank goodness Felicity was strong enough to still be standing, but no ways is she getting back in this only lift and she certainly cannot use the stairs.

After settling her into bed in the apartment, I waft off down the stairs to wallow in the lovely water. I felt I needed it by now - and it would have been more fun with her, but this by far beats being in the office!

For the next two years, in my office she is referred to as my friend Felicity who refuses to die of cancer. She has, however, succumbed. Boy, did she give that disease a run for it's money. It had a battle to get her! No matter what transpired, she was determined to not give in! Not ever! Never. Never. Never. Even at the end, I am told that she was a tough nut to crack.

The first for me, was saying goodbye to her on Facebook. We move with the times, I know, but it did seem a strange way to say goodbye. Her sons asked that we all stop calling and visiting as she was beyond coping with it all. But they promised to read her messages that we posted.

After she died, someone asked that the boys keep the page going, so that they could visit her when they were missing her.

Let me say it loud and clear right now - do not even think of doing something that weird when I go!

Think of me now and then if you want to do so, or if I pop into your mind. That is the natural way of things. But keeping my facebook page going is a step too far for me. And certainly, do not ask my children to do this silly thing. If you want to create a page and be the caretaker - go ahead ( God alone knows why you would want to do it, but it is your time and energy you are using - so go ahead, be my guest!)

I have removed her from my list of friends. Not from my mind. Not from my heart. Not from what I learned from her. Just from my list of facebook friends.

I have often told my dad that keeping everything my mum ever touched is not proof that we loved her. It is proof that we have space to store eveything she touched - nothing else.

Felicity is having a ball where she is. In honour of her, I will do my best to have a really good life. She accomplished far more in her weak state than a lot of us do when we are healthy.


And I know for SURE that she understands me clicking the 'remove from friends' button

affirmations........

When I was first introduced to idea of using affirmations to make my dreams come true, it sounded so simple.


All I had to do was consistently, parrot fashion, repeat a phrase which would magically make my life one worth living.


That simple, huh?


No.

Not really. Nothing much changed.

Then I was told that saying things like ~'all is well'~ meant that obviously all was not well and that by saying that it was well, was highlighting the lack of all-well-ness.



Mmmm - not simple at all. Complicated.




Then along came a new (to me) way of thinking.

Still using pretty much the same affirmations, but using them differently.


All is well in my world - and meaning it when I said it. Believing it and knowing it and trusting it and living it and allowing myself to see it and allowing others to see it.

Then I understood the difference.

We have all gone along to theatres to watch stage shows, or watched children in a school play, or sat in front of the television, watching whatever is being broadcast.

There is nothing more tedious than watching a wooden, unskilled person delivering lines directly from the script.

There is nothing more moving than an actor - an ACTOR - presenting his part according to the script - and taking you from laughter, to woe, to despair, to joy, to exhiliration as you watch him perform.

There is the difference. The actor gets you involved. Gets you feeling real emotions. Has you believing what you are watching.

That is how affirmations work. When, despite knowing 'what is', you believe the new image you are presenting to your brain. Despite the challenges you currently face, you KNOW that you are moving into the dream you are dreaming. FEELING the joy in the image you hold. KNOWING what it is like to love, to be loved, to be in awe of beauty and surrounded by abundance.

Get involved in your affirmations. Move yourself into that place of wonder and awe and excitement and joy about what you are creating for yourself.

Then watch the magic begin..........


and then share it with me, please.

True friends

Friends are those people who help us to unlock the power within us.

We may think that they are our strength - and perhaps for short periods of time, they are.

True friends are the ones who allow us to stand on our own two feet - and to lean on them when we are feeling less-than-strong.

They are the ones who love to see us succeed.

They are the ones who cheer every step we take.

They are the ones who stand by with the 'first-aid kit' when we travel down roads that challenge us and perhaps cause us heartache.

They celebrate us. They celebrate the friendship.

I salute my true friends.

I am all the better for knowing you and having you in my life.

Being complete

I want him to love me

I want him to need me

I want this to be different

I want to feel loved

I want to feel appreciated



YOU WANT WHAT??????

He fulfills me

He makes my life worth living

He is so awesome

He needs me to rescue him

He looks so hurt and sad and lost


STOP IT!



What kind of relationship will you have when it starts out with one of you thinking that the other needs rescuing, or fixing, or fulfilling ( in the sense that the person is incomplete without the other )

Where does that relationship then go? Once the other is fixed, rescued, completed....what then?

Let them go.

Start an awesome relationship - with yourSelf.

Love your Self

Fulfill your Self

And when you have done that ~ when you do not need  to be

Rescued

Fixed

Fulfilled

When you love the completeness of Who You Are -

Thats when you let someone in.

And then you grow together.

In Love

In Completeness

In Unison

Now, doesn't that sound like so much more fun?

Living Outside / The Box

On Wednesday afternoon, I was driving along the Main Road to collect my dad for his 6-month check up with the physician. It was a blustery day. Dust and litter rushed along the road at seemingly the same speed as my car.

In front of me, being swept along by the north wind, was a large cardboard box - it looked as if it had housed a large item like a washing machine. I drove carefully along behind it, as it was being blown from one side of the street to the other, and I was giving myself space and time to take avoiding action if the traffic coming towards me swerved to avoid the box.

Since it was a fairly quiet stretch of road at that time of day, there had been no need for concern. The box eventually got caught up in some bushes on the sidewalk.

The following day, at a staff meeting, I was hauled over the coals, so to speak ~ not a fun event at all. And after some introspection, I came to understand the bigger picture that was being painted for me. I was aware of how everything that happened in the process was all part of a bigger plan that was orchestrated in order for me to learn something valuable. Something that would help me along my path towards being a more integrated person.

What I found most fascinating is that as I learn and understand the Universe better, and allow the LOA to work in my life, I creep further and further away from the type of box that society loves to put people in. I stepped out of the box some years ago, but the darned thing was still hanging around, in case I ever wanted to climb back inside.

Until Wednesday.

I did not realise at the time, but that  box flying along the road was the box that had been around me for so long. I did not understand that it was my own box I was seeing. I certainly did not see the significance of it. It was, to me, just a random box being blown along a random path.

My box is gone. I cannot even think of climbing back into it. I have a suspicion that perhaps someone else lives in it now. And they are most welcome to use it, for as long as it serves them,

Now I am free to be me. Just me. No pre-formed shape for me to fit into. No container to trap me and stunt my growth. No cardboard creation aimed at keeping some things in, and other things out.

Just me. That is enough. And so it is.

~Alison~

Forgive Forget / Forgiven Forgotten

I came across an issue today that made me realise that I am struggling to forgive someone and to forget the disrespect with which they have treated me in the past.

And the way I have dealt with this is in an entirely immature fashion - I have disrespected in return. I know it. I have done it consciously and I am not proud of this part of me.

I am struggling with this. I am still so hurt and angry that I want to stamp my feet and demand attention and throw things and hit someone and., - well, you get the two year old tantrum idea.

But I am not two years old. I am not proud of this aspect of myself. And it is robbing me of beauty and joy and love and respect.

So bear with me whilst I think about this all. Because today I discovered that when I am able to stop judging myself and others, I can let the concept of forgive and forget to float away. The powerful tools that they seem to be right now will be meaningless.

I understand that this issue is a power struggle within me - the other person does not care - at least openly anyway. And how that person feels is of no consequence. This is all about me.

How do I move forward from here. If I was the coach - what would I say to my client? What question would the client need to hear?

So let us play a game - since immaturity is the issue! 

Oh my hat - I hit the nail on the head with the first question - and got the answer. Immaturity is the issue. Not forgiving the person, not forgiving myself, Not forgetting. Immaturity.

I am now going to be coach and client; I am playing a game, remember?

In order for you to grow up, what do you think you need to do? 

I need to pack away the toys and find an adult way of moving on.

Tell me more?

Well, the game is all about tit for tat. And what I want to do is to rise above that. Because I have always known that this issue is such a huge one for me, and until I deal with it, I am stuck, So I think I have avoided it because of it's enormity. It is because I was so badly treated and that person will never admit it. And what is keeping me stuck is knowing that he will never admit it - and the child in me wants a sense of justice. Which is just not ever going to happen.

Alison, I am noticing that you seem keen to move forward with a sense of being grown up and mature around this issue. What I am also noticing is that you seem to have thought this all out in a very mature and adult way. You have acknowledged the importance of the issue and the impact it will have in your life if you can find the solution. So imagine for a moment, how it will be if you can take on the mantle of maturity and leave this 'childishness' behind. Tell me about it.

The main benefit will be allowing myself to put aside the armour and weapons I have to carry around all day at work. I can then just be me. I can stop being a victim. I can climb to the top of the hill, breathe, and allow my light to shine through. Taking off that armour will be like releasing myself from the past. I know that I will be doing myself a favour, because it is exhausting to be on the defensive and the offensive all the time. It is keeping me stuck. Some years ago I went to a castle in Scotland where they had some medieval armour on display. We were allowed to lift the helmet and put it on our head. I got an instant headache from the weight of it and the sense of suffocation. Which reminds me that I have been getting so many headaches recently.

Alison, what else can you tell me about being mature in this situation?

What I can tell you is that I cannot play this game any longer - no-one knows what the rules are. No-one cares who wins. There is no life supportive result to be had. And I believe that if something is not life-supportive, then it is life-destructive. And I cannot let that be my theme tune.

And what else can you tell me about being more mature here? What do you have to do tomorrow when you go in to work, that is different from what you have done in the past?

Gosh, that is a hard question to answer, because as soon as I start thinking about it, I get this feeling of anxiety. 

Tell me what is so hard about this for you?

It is about being at peace with being rejected. It is about finding it OK to have not had the support from the bosses that I had craved. It is about not feeling valued and valuable at work.It feels as if it is a reflection of my early life, Which of course it is - hence the infantile behaviour.

I am understanding that for as long as I await recognition and validity from somewhere other than me, I am lost. I am beginning to feel that it is ok to want the validation, as long as I understand that giving it to myself is what is really powerful. 

I have to see ME. I have to respect ME. I have to love ME. Nothing is more important than that. Because unless I can see, respect and love me, I am of no real use to myself or anyone else. And then I have ducked the whole reason for being on the planet in the first place. Because I believe I came here to have fun. And for me, being in defence / attack mode is not fun. It may be for others. That is their journey. But it is not fun for me.

The next time you go into the office again, what will be different?

The difference will be in my frame of mind. I can choose to be a credit to myself - instead of how it has been for some time.

And how will your different frame of mind manifest? What difference will others see?

That for me is not the important thing. For me it is important that I feel good about myself and how I live my life. Since I consider these things to be important, I need to stop and think whenever I am tempted to go back into old behaviour. So perhaps a good plan would be to write a word that prompts me each time I see it. Perhaps I can choose the word 'new'. Because it is a new day, a new way of being, or a way of being me, more of the time! And what works well for me is change - so I will rearrange my office - as a reminder that things do not always have to stagnate and fester!

If there is another question you would need to answer now,what would that question be?

I suppose the question would be something to do with how this change will benefit me?

How will this change benefit you?

I will be more fully me, whatever that means. I will have found a way to go one more step in the direction of my more integrated life. And I have a sense that this is a little bigger than just being different at work. There is a sense of this being a small but integral part of the whole puzzle.

What else do you want to say?

Just that I need to sleep and rest and allow all this new information to sink into the cells in my body. And that I will remember to feel good - all the time - no matter what. It is why I am here. Thank you

Taking oneself into the Vortex

Last year, a friend of mine, a well known figure in the esoteric field, started a new business. She was making herself more readily available to the man in the street, for those who had questions that needed answers. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? What happens when we die? Can my departed loved one talk to me? What does it mean when I see ~ hear ~ feel things? The kind of questions that are often not satisfactorily answered in our places of worship, our families, our communities. Perhaps because we have for so long divorced ourselves from all that is 'not pretty' in life. We prefer clean, clear, sanitized.

And then she took her own life. Leaving behind loved ones. Little ones.

Which left me with an awful lot of questions - and I was only a friend. No doubt the inner circle of her life, her family, had as many and more questions that may be left unanswered in this lifetime.


When I first became interested in the metaphysical world, I did as much reading as I could. And one of the first things I remember is learning about death, and the way we die. And what that means to us as spiritual or energetic beings. Essentially, it does not matter how we pass. It is merely part of the journey of the Soul - the how is not important. Only the timing is relevant - to the Soul - and no matter when or how we pass, it will be in the perfect time.

It is the same as being born. It is of no consequence whether one is born in a barn or 5 star hospital. It does not matter whether the birth is a natural one, or a surgical intervention. The hows, the whys and the wherefores are irrelevant. It matters only that the Soul arrives here. And will always do so in the perfect moment.

We cannot get it wrong.

Awake and Aware - Conscious

Once upon a time, very long ago, I was young.


And like all good young children, I was dragged off to church each week - so that I could become an even better good girl.

The whole church thing was great - I had friends there. We watched movies there on a Saturday afternoon. Each year, as a fundraiser, the lucky ones got to be in the play or pantomime that was presented. I was usually one of the lucky ones.

But I also had to go to the service each week. That was not too bad. We sang lovely songs, prayed a lot and squirmed when we got bored with the hell and damnation stuff that came from the pulpit.

Then I got a little older. And I began to wonder why I was missing out on what evidently was the best part of the deal. Where was all this amazing grace and answers to prayers? Somehow I did not seem to be on the list of recipients. I closed my eyes during prayers, hands clasped firmly together. I even scrunched up my eyes so that no light would get in to distract me. Nothing. No deep booming voices in my head to assure me that I was being good and getting better at it. Certainly no extra pocket money arrived, although I think I did make the connection with there being not much money in the household in the first place.

So I prayed harder, sang louder in the choir, joined the Youth for Christ movement, did the whole thing. Even signed up for the In magazine - anyone remember that? The brainchild of Frank Retief, the minister at a local church - not the one I attended, but you do what you can when you feel you are missing out on something. Zip. Nada. Nothing.

Aha, I thought - best I get confirmed and become part of the adult section of the Church - that will really get God's attention. I even tried to not really like the musical LP Jesus Christ Superstar - because it was a banned album in this country, so perhaps God would not want me to enjoy it. Still no indication that I was being noticed at all.

So I gave up. Played the socially conditioned game of being there week after week. Knowing that it was a waste of my time - perhaps God's as well, but who would know?

Years went by, agonising years of not being fully comfortable for turning my back on God. Some of the brainwashing had worked, so it was not an easy thing for me to walk away. But I managed to convince myself that firstly we are born, we live through whatever good or bad life we were issued, and then we die. Then definitely zip, nada, nothing. Dead is dead - come to terms with it and get on with doing stuff before it happened. Worms ate you. End of the road. Circle of life - first you eat a meal, then you become the meal. That was the sage advice I offered to anyone who would listen - and especially to those who thought my Soul should be saved.

Fast forward a decade or so - and I woke up! At long last. Day by day, I wake up even more. I thought I understood everything - and each day I learn another little piece of the big picture. I constantly have to revise and redefine and refine what I believe, because each little event, each interaction I have, each thought that I think, gives me more to think about and gives me greater clarity.

Life is not all about 'this' being right and 'that' being wrong. It has much more life to it - if you will pardon the pun. It is more fluid, more open to interpretation and more organic. It is not just one thing. It has no beginning and no end. And since the Universe expands exponentially, so does our capacity to understand it. If we so choose.

I choose to allow my understanding to increase each day.

I am so grateful that I woke up. I have seen others wake up, the most magical event imaginable - the moment when the lights start going on inside their minds - it glows from every cell in their body. Who could not love watching that process?

Each and every day now, I get to experience the grace and beauty and majesty I so craved as a child. And I consider myself to be so blessed to have found the answer to all those heartfelt prayers. God had answered - but I did not have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. Answers came...in their own good time - when I was ready to listen.

perspective

There is something about aerial shots that I thoroughly enjoy.

Even more enjoyable though, is the opportunity for me to be the photographer!

Some years ago, I bought myself a diary that had an aerial shot for each week. All the images were shot in this country , and we have such a range of different terrains that it was never repetitive.

I used to imagine that I had either been a bird in another lifetime, or was meant to fly a lot in this one. Who knows what the truth of the matter is, anyway? And who would care, other than me?

There is not as much opportunity as I would like for me to take aerial shots - it involves aeroplanes, and they really don't come cheaply.

This particular shot was taken from my amphibious plane in Sydney, Australia. I say my plane, because for 30 minutes, I owned the plane - along with a young Irish couple. That may be stretching the reality a bit much, but the young couple and I really enjoyed the fantasy of being wealthy movie stars who did this kind of thing regularly!

There is something magical about being aloft, up there with the birds and the clouds. And looking down at ant-sized people. And teeny tiny skyscrapers. And pocket handkerchief farms.

I have come to understand why it is that I love the shots from the air. It is the perspective one gets from up there. So completely different from what we see at ground level. Still looking at the same thing, but having to make adjustments to accommodate the different view. Having to shift from preconceived notions of what we think we should see - it just never looks quite like I imagined.

This different vantage point reminds me of the ability I have to see things from many sides. What may seem like an enormous building to some, is merely a speck from the sky. And yet the building remains the same. All the time. Big to some. Little to others.

Many years ago, when South Africa was in the midst of all it's troubled times, I flew across the country to visit family. And as I looked down on the land below me, the beautiful mountains, the semi-desert, the green pastures and tiny villages, it was hard to imagine that on the ground there was such division and anger and separation. Tears welled up in my eyes as I came to realise that separation is an illusion. We are all one.

We are all one - with strengths and weaknesses. Wealth and poverty. Heath and disease. We perform a dance that weaves all the possible computations throughout humanity. So much suffering. So much joy. Lots of beauty. Lots of pain. No matter our differences, we are all one. We are, because we are.

Ubuntu. Loosely translated, it means that a person is a person, because of other people. We are who we are, because of those around us. The good, the bad and the ugly - all parts of the glorious mass of humans.

And we can choose to see each other from one perspective. Or from many perspectives. Because for as many people there are on the planet, there are that many different perspectives on issues. Each one of us has our unique perspective. There is no right or wrong. It all just IS.

Who would want it any other way?

Snugglepot and Cuddlepie - ever heard of them?

Last year I went to Sydney to visit family - and what a lovely decision that was - I had a great time. Everywhere I went, the camera went with me. I took snaps of everything - even the brass plaques which were set in the paving around the harbour area leading to the Opera House.

Each one was unique - quotes from different authors writings.

I had heard of some of them, but certainly not all of them.

Now, a year later, I went out for the afternoon to walk around Kalk Bay with a friend. Shopping happened - there are so many interesting shops, along the Main Road and up the alleyways. Lots on nooks and crannies..

We popped into a shop that sells all sorts of items related to paper - old books, maps, artwork. I had rather stupidly left my spectacles at home, so the enjoyment of these things was somewhat diminshed for me. I did notice one book - it looked like a childrens book, and since it was locked inside a glass cabinet, I did not get too close. It is probably a good thing, keeping things away from sticky hands -  the Italian Gelato shop is only a few feet away!

Despite the lack of my visual aids, I did manage to read the title of said book. 'Tales of Snugglepot and Cuddlepie'.

'Never heard of it', I thought. 'Will take a closer look next time I am here'.

A couple of hours later, while sorting out all the images I have from my trips, I came across the picture that heads todays blog. Snugglepot and Cuddlepie have been on my computer all this time! They have been here for a year. And I still have no clue who or what they are. They have popped into my space twice in two hours.

Please excuse me while I go to Google to find out all about them....

Soul purpose

What is my soul purpose? This question comes up time and again when we start to explore the deeper meaning of life and why we are on the planet.

And the answer is always the same - it is to feel good. It is to enjoy life. It is to love whole-heartedly. It is to appreciate everything. Every-single-thing. No exceptions.

And the way to appreciate the things that are challenging, is to find the gift inside them. Deeply hidden, perhaps. But once discovered, understood.

When faced with a challenge, ask yourself - what does this allow? What can I do, or what will I do because of this, that I may not have otherwise done?

What do you learn from being financially strained? Do you allow yourself the chance to be an entrepreneur? Are you creative around finding previously hidden sources of income?

Physical and health challenges - what do you learn from allowing others to assist? Are you being allowed the chance to be the medical miracle? How much more greatly do you appreciate the little things in life?

Broken hearted? Are you the one who can write down your experiences so eloquently that you have a bestseller on your hands?

Out of each and every event, we can uncover the blessing it brings. It may take years of practice before you can do so, or it may take a mere couple of seconds.

This journey is the one we have chosen. Perhaps for some time you have been living a role, but not your Soul. As soon as you give up the role, become more aware and more authentically your Soul, you will understand that your sole purpose is to feel good. Now. And ever more.

A farmer has to make choices about what crop he is going to plant and cultivate. He ploughs the fields. He fertilizes the ground. He plants the seed. He does everything that he can do to make sure that he has a healthy crop. Each and every day, there are things he has to do to bring his plans to fruition.

One thing that he cannot control is the weather. He has to find a way to cope with whatever the weather brings.

So it is with our own lives. We do all that we can to live a life that brings us the joy that a farmer feels when he sees his beautiful crop being harvested.

And we also have to find a way to cope with whatever the weather brings.

We can do this by choosing good friends and family who inspire and encourage us. We can seek out literature that is uplifting and life supportive.

These things are like fertilisers- they help us to grow and glow. They feed us.

Bookstores and websites are bursting at the seams with inspiring stories and beautiful writing. Keep searching for the 'food' you need.

Someone, somewhere, has written the exact words you need to read today. Trust that you will find it, or that it will find you.

Life is perfect. If it should have been different, it would have been...........

Tracks and Deadlines!

I noticed recently that I kept mentioning, after having been on holiday, that I was now back on track. I was mainly referring to catching up with those tedious tasks that I am paid to perform each day so that I have an income. But I became aware that I was using the same phrase repeatedly - which means only one thing to me - it is time to check out what I have been saying.

Getting back on track infers that there is a direction in which I am travelling, and that the delightful holiday that I had enjoyed had somehow taken me 'off track'. I have no desire to make that my reality. I would far prefer to see the daily grind (and yes, I notice the word - will investigate that another time) as being 'off track' and perceive my holidays and travelling as the main direction. From today - getting back on track will mean going off on another adventure - not getting up to date with statutory forms and deadlines. The only deadlines I wish to acknowledge are the ones that require me to be at a specific airport for the flight to my next adventure!

sitting with the pain

I recently spent some weeks being most concerned about a family member who had gone into hibernation - newspeak for depression. The phrase works well in the inclement Northern Hemisphere winters.

I found it a challenge to not worry - and since there was very little contact, I had absolutely no way of trying to fix. At the same time, I was giving a friend some much needed support while he worked out how to get his life back on track.

As time went gone by, one of them has managed to see light at the end of the tunnel - I think she switched it on herself - and my friend is still finding daily life a tough challenge. I can only hope that he finds the strength and the courage to do what needs to be done.

I found those months quite tough emotionally. And I was not the one suffering from depression!

I have friends who are facing really tough situations. Some have stories of pain and suffering and loss and desperation and incapacitation. Way more than I have ever had to face or deal with.

So tonight I choose to sit with the pain and the heartache and the sadness and the hurt - and in doing so I am not moving to fix or lessen or diminish. Tonight I choose to sit with it so that I understand more, so that I may open my heart more. So that I may see more clearly. So that I may be more attuned to the wider world.

Tonight, my friends, I sit with your pain, and I trust that whatever healing you may need, will be delivered to your door.

Sleep well tonight my friends. It has been my honour and privilege to connect with you.

lessons I am learning from the Great Wise Sierra

Meet Sierra. She is my delightful cat companion. I was recently told that  black and white cats are real characters. I agree.

The fun part of having her in my life is that I get to see me through her eyes! Not always a flattering view, I may add.

She is my mirror - holding herself aloof at times. Wanting close companionship at other times. And then of course there is the inevitable periods of  quiet solitude- that  'leave me alone because I need some time and space in which to contemplate the Universe'.

For Sierra, this should be simple - I am often away from home, so she pretty much has all day to do her contemplation. But daytime is her beauty rest time. When sleeping and shedding hair is all she needs to do. All she wants to do, in fact.

It is when the sun goes down that she sparks up - there is a period of about twenty minutes each evening where she races in the back door - out of a front window - then back in another door - back out the window again. Completely manic! It is as if every creature in the Universe is after her. And then it stops. Time to lie down and rest again.

Since she mirrors me, I have to look at my life to see where I do something similar - and I suppose it is when I go to gym each weekday morning. I run on the track - round and round in circles. Running and getting nowhere - just like the cat. Then lifting things, lowering things,pulling this, pushing that, balancing on equipment - all the while having the most glorious fun of the day!

I envy her the peace she has in her life. No need to stress about anything. Every moment of every day, she trusts that her needs will be met. She has no work that she has to do. She just gets on with being a cat. Which means she can lie in the sun, purr on your lap, chase the lizards and squirrels. Sit on the roof with the pigeons. Life is simple. Straightforward.

This is what she is here to teach me. To be at peace with the world. Keeping her eyes and ears open all the time - carefully observing each and every movement in her space. She doesnt spend hours arguing with herself about the best options available. She just get on and does what needs to be done. And then rests.

Sierra, my teacher - your student is ready.

Who spoke when I opened my mouth?

This year at Easter time, I was advised by someone to not eat too much chocolate. I had no intention of eating any chocolate at all - so I wondered why this comment was made.

When I challenged the comment, asking who was giving this advice, I was told it was the voice of reason because eating too much chocolate could make one ill. 

What I heard was an instruction that my friend would have heard 50 years ago from her parents and perhaps grandparents. I have spent many years on this Earth, successfully raising my family and supporting myself, and I am certain that I know how much or how little chocolate to consume.

So often we regurgitate trite sayings and instructions from way back without wondering who is actually doing the talking.

It is a fact that many of us decree that when we become a parent, we will not make the mistakes that our parents made. Then the next generation comes along, saying the same thing. And one day, we open our mouths to speak - and Mother (from way back) speaks through us. And we are startled! Mirror mirror on the wall, I am my parent after all!

When offering advice, instead of using a phrase that may be decades old, speak from your heart. Speak from your own experience. The words will be richer and have so much more value. Because they come from you. And what better offering can any of us make, than sharing ourselves?

Trusting abundance and expansion.

Imagine having a beautiful bunch of flowers on your desk at work. Someone comes along and admires them, perhaps mentioning that those particular yellow roses have great meaning in her life. Without thinking, you reach over, take one from the bunch and hand it to her. With love. With the knowing that this very act will brighten her day. With the knowledge that there is one more happy person on the planet - and you still have a beautiful bunch of flowers on your desk.

That action took place unconditionally. You just reached into your heart, and shared what you had for sharing.

Now imagine you have a beautiful bunch of flowers on your desk at work. Someone comes along and admires them, perhaps mentioning that those particular yellow roses have great meaning in her life. You reach out and pick one from the bunch and hand it to her. You recently heard that whatever you give away comes back tenfold from the Universe. You think that you had better buy some more vases, as you will surely have flowers in every room in your life. Because you gave away a rose. Thinking that the Universe will supply a load in return. And you still have that beautiful bunch of flowers on your desk- with one less yellow rose.


One of those roses was handed over because there was an abundance of beauty, and it could be shared and would not only not be diminished, but exponentially grown, because there are now two people who have flowers that are making their hearts sing.

The other rose was given with a good kind heart, but from a place of thinking that this may be the last bunch I ever get - which would be very sad - and so to increase my chances I will give some away and then I will most certainly be rewarded with  another bunch at some time in the future.

It is subtle, this difference. And seen from a step away there seems to be no difference at all.

One scenario has a bunch of flowers - less one, which leaves it 'less than' it was at the start. one owner of the slightly diminished bunch who is now living in the hope of getting more, but not really believing that this tenfold thing can work. one new recipient with a single yellow rose that is so deeply loved.

The other story sees so many pools of love and beauty - one bunch of flowers. one happy owner of the bunch. one new recipient with one single yellow rose that is so deeply loved.

Which one is your story?

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is Optional.

All of us on the planet are faced with challenges of one sort or another on a daily basis.  Not every path we meet is smooth and carefree. Some paths are - but they are few and far between. For the rest of us, however, pain of some sort is inevitable.

We all know what types of pain we face. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Spiritual pain. The pain that comes with physical growth or deterioration. Emotional growth has us peeling away the layers of the proverbial onion - and onions often burn our eyes! Spiritual growth often demands that we re-think our beliefs and at times, we need to let go of that which no longer makes sense, or sustains us.

We tend to manage these pains - we cover it with plasters. We drink alcohol to numb it. We try to ignore it. We hurt others in an attempt to feel a little better ourselves.  We become quite creative in our ways to do just about anything so that we don't have to feel pain.

There is good news, however. Suffering is optional. It is a choice we can make.There is no need to succumb to the pain that we or some loved one is experiencing. We can choose to look at what is happening, acknowledge the pain, and then attempt to find the way that helps us rise above it. Not to be in denial of the anguish the pain may be causing, Not to pretend it isn't there at all. The more we stay stuck in it, the more power it has over our lives. And it robs us of times that we would rather have filled with happiness.

We can look for the lesson the pain brings. What does it bring into focus?  How does it help us to be grateful for something else? Which part of our lives do we now appreciate more deeply? In what way are we more understanding, sympathetic, empathetic? What new opportunities have arisen from this challenge? What have we learnt that we may otherwise have missed?
Who came to help us? Who showed their true colours? How have we grown?

One thing I know for sure, is that there is nothing that comes into our lives that does not also bring it's gift. Finding that gift may take time and effort, but it is always well worth the search!  Instead of the gray and black you may have been seeing, you might find the pot of gold at the end of that beautiful rainbow of colours that you are now choosing to see instead.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

resolving relationships

Letting go of a relationship that was once deep and meaningful can sometimes be a challenge. Having to disconnect from that which was once fun and joyful and is now less than that, can conjure up so many different emotions. Hurt, anger, jealousy and frustration being just a few.

Usually, with romantic relationships, we have projected ourselves into the future - the trips we will make together, the way we will enjoy our children, grandchildren, pets. And then the dream dies. All of a sudden, there is a void where once there was something. Something that had real value in your life.

One or both of you have to leave the shared home. There is a sadness around leaving the place which once was the refuge from the outside world. Personally, I mourned the loss of my 'soft place to land', as I called my home and my family.

Over the coming years, whilst meeting the new challenge of being single in a world filled with friends who came in two's, I worked on releasing the past. Letting go of the shared dreams. Trying not to feel hurt when being excluded because of a lack of partner for those trips that required 'couples' - they all marched into Noah's Ark together. To have fun. Fun that excluded me. Oh the pain!

Slowly but surely, bit by bit, I dealt with each emotion as it arose. Well, to be honest, I shelved a few emotions until I had no option but to face them. As many of us do in these circumstances. But face them I did. And I learned how to create dreams for the newly single self. Life was going well.

After some years, I realised that there were still some unresolved issues in my life with regard to my ex. He still had the power to make me angry. I had done so much soul searching, learning, studying new ideas, attending self-help and metaphysical courses, and I could not understand why there were still these remnants of pain. I thought that I had healed all aspects of that failed relationship. I had peeled away the layers of so very many onions! But still there was more....

In my research on the subject, I came across the understanding that in order to let go on a deeper level, I had to write my gratitude list. I knew I had so much to be grateful for in my life. I am steeped in blessings every day. I knew all there was to know about lists of gratitude, didn't I?

This new gratitude list had nothing to do with my current blessings.It had to do with the partner I had left. I had to understand exactly why I had chosen this person to be in my life. This was about being grateful for a relationship that no longer worked.

And so began the process of being grateful for every single day we spent together. There was much to appreciate. Some of the gifts he had given me were not always pleasant ones. But they were still gifts. They allowed me to define what I wanted in my life, and what I certainly never wanted in my life again. I have no doubt that the gratitude list that he could compile would be pretty similar - as much as he was challenge for me, I certainly gave him plenty of food for thought!

Without this man having been in my life, I would not be the person that I am today. Apart from our wonderful daughters, the greatest gift he gave to me was my Self.

 He encouraged my growth and believed in me and saw who I was, many years before I was even aware that there was a 'me'.  I have no idea who I may have become without him at my side for those years, but I am overjoyed with the end result.

So many people are resistant to the idea of being truly grateful to the partners who have discarded them, or who have caused them pain, emotionally, physically, spiritually. But for as long as one holds onto the anger, the pain, the resentment, the hurt - there is no real movement into the future of joy and happiness and peace and harmony and - well pretty much all the good stuff. One can pretend that the past is the past and that all is well right now, and then one day you trip over the pile of pain that you had so neatly swept under the carpet!

Hah- that is the moment to do that list. Despite the seeming impossibility of it. Every single word you write on the list, is a huge bound into the future you so desire. Every single word you write on that list makes space in your life for that which is currently missing. Every single word you write on that list allows you to claim that light and love and joy. Every single word that you write on that list propels you into being More of Who You Are!

And that, my friend, is why you write the list. So that you can become YOU!

Anything less than being YOU leaves you hooked into the past of pain and regret - writing the list is an investment. It is time well spent. Because having had that relationship in the first place, helped you along the road to YOU.

You can choose to invest that same time in dwelling in the past that no longer sustains you and which causes you pain. Or you can pick up a beautiful pen, put it to a gorgeous piece of paper, and allow yourself the freedom you desire.

Within a month, a week, a day, a minute - your choice - YOU will be free. To be YOU. All of you will now be available to be in the moment. All of you will be there to be present for your new partner. All of you will be there to welcome new ones into your life. All of you will be here to have fun, have new experiences. All of you will be here to take the next step on your new path.

You are dearly loved.

My Teachers - Thank you

Uncle Bob - for addressing me as if I was his equal - not 'just a child'

Miss Katz - for being the first strong woman I admired - the first of many! But still - the first.

Lisa - for showing me what it was like to have money enough to buy HUGE chocolate bars! And with the challenges you faced - poor little rich girl.

Peter - for teaching me about love at first sight

Tony - for teaching me about double standards

Leigh Anne - for the lessons in saying sorry without saying sorry. For always looking for the positive in life - even  though I only got the message later. Much later. But at least you tried. Not too sure that I wanted that lesson in empty apologies - but clearly I needed it.

Nanny McPhee - when you need me but don't want me, I will be here. When you want me, but don't need me, I will have to leave. Mmmmm - perhaps this is the biggest lesson for me right now!

Marie - your ability to take the bones of the story and flesh it out and make it real.

Elizabeth - your ability to strip a story down to the bones so that I can see everything clearly.

John - for the reminder that I prefer to be impartial, an observer, rather than being passionately bigoted.

Dad - not too sure that you did a good thing allowing me to blatantly lie  - and get away with it. But I did learn about love.......

Vonita - lessons in perseverance and boldness

Renee - you can do whatever you want, no matter what happens or who gets hurt. no matter what.

Richard Bach - who described the lesson of doing whatever you want - no matter what.

Neville, Graham, Pinky, Mr D from the church, Dion, and so many others - I learnt that wedding bands were often merely trinkets. Not everything goes according to the fairytale scripts.

Richard - for letting Lee and I practice...............

Les - pedestals are not always stable places.

Averil - the iconic Victim - completely in denial

Cath, Di, Sue - huge human hearts

Wendy - the courage to make it - thousands of miles from 'home'. And then attracting a beautiful partner to share it. I haven't got this lesson right yet - but there is time.

Gabby - the Child - mine still a bit wrapped up - but shedding the swaddling bands.......

Colin - for the sense of being More Than in your presence.

Brett - appreciation of life and love

Theun - 'see yourself through my eyes'

Mum - lessons on filtering through ones' own lens, and generosity

Angie - a different world view

Doug - choices

Abraham - yum. what else can I say?

Di - gosh, you need a medal, girl. Friendship. Loyalty. Endurance. Contentment. And Dads need to do the after-dark driving for the children.

Adrian - for walking me into my new belief system, despite it being at odds with your own. My life saver. Thank you for your gentleness with me - even during my raging rants.

Many more - for another day - but I have to return to Uncle Bob - I again thank you for treating me like a peer - as Theun reminds me - when I am in doubt of who I am or what I can do - I will look at myself through your eyes. Uncle Bob, I know you passed many many years before I understood your value in my life - but I am sure you know that I am appreciative. Beyond measure.